Moving forward.

Good ol' Utah finally let California know that we are not murders.

Our background checks cleared from Utah!

Now we are just waiting on Hawaii.

Surprise, surprise.

Come on Hawaii. You can do it!

It's funny how great that little bit of information has made me feel. I feel relieved. Happy.We are one step closer. My goodness, there sure are a lot of steps, but each time we get to check something off our list (even if it takes months to do so), I get a little burst of happiness.

I remember the first time we met with Christine. When we told her that we had lived in three different states over the past five years, she tried to hide her grimace. She's obviously the professional in this party, and knew what we would be in for. She let us know that it would probably take "a while" to get back the information from each state, so we could "take our time" on our paper work.

When we completed our paper work 12 days later, she must have realized that we didn't get the picture

I guess when you feel like your heart is on fire, you move. It's hard to compensate the burning desire the spirit brings, while the simple logistics of the matter are unavoidable.

We have felt divinely directed towards adoption. We figured we would just fly through the process, and we wouldn't really have to wait on anything to get approved.

I have been checking my e-mail multiple times a day, and actually expect to see an e-mail announcing our approval. Of course, followed by an e-mail announcing we have been matched.

Each time I check.

We have been completely naive; which has brought an additional source of impatience and disappointment. In some round about way, we felt like since we had followed through with what was expected of us, of course a baby would show up on our door step, dropped off fresh from the stork, after we left the LDSFS office.

Because life is just that easy. Right?

Amateurs.

And here I was thinking that we had checked the box that said:

EASY ROAD.

But I have to live life, just like every body else?

Who'da thunk it.

Learning the lesson of following the spirit, and still having to wait, has been a humbling one. Obedience and Patience. As I sit here and think about how long it's been since we first started this process, it feels far longer than reality. My calendar tells me it's really only been 13 weeks and one day. I think, "that can't be!" and recount. Again.

I feel like I have been holding my breath for far longer than that!

Every night we crawl into bed, and like clock work I always say, "Well, looks like we aren't getting our baby today." and then, without skipping a beat, Chris replies, "Well, the day isn't over yet."

And then we laugh and fall asleep.

We wake up the next day with the same status we have had since we turned in our paper work:

NOT YET.

I am learning to be happy with knowing that I am on the right path, and even though I keep getting the answer, "not yet", that it is still the path for me. I am no less important, and loved no less. So, these little accomplishments, these mundane e-mail conversations, that still tell me, "not yet", give me HOPE.

They let me know that while I feel like I am standing still, we are in fact, on our way.