And... approved!!!

THAT'S RIGHT!

WE JUST GOT THE HAPPIEST E-MAIL OF THE YEAR (SO FAR!)

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SUBJECT: CONGRATULATIONS

It came in!!! We have all your prints. I was able to approve you as of today, Jan 31^st. And you are on the website…check it out!!!

https://www.itsaboutlove.org/ial/profiles/25437184/ourMessage.jsf

Christine

Christine Robey Jolley, LCSW

Children's Services Manager

Fountain Valley and San Diego Offices

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Ummmm... I am excited. I am really, really, really excited. So excited, that I couldn't wait the whole two minutes it was going to take for Chris to get home from work, I just.had.to. call him immediately. But then I couldn't stop crying long enough to tell him the news over the phone.

I'm sure he thought I was dying.

Either way folks, today is a good day.

Today is a really great day.

We turned in all of our paper work 14 weeks and 5 days ago (but who's counting). I feel like we are announcing we made it past the "first trimester"; and with my track record, that's AMAZING NEWS. I will write more later, when my hands have stopped shaking so bad, and tears aren't streaming down my face. Chris just walked in the door from work and is on the phone telling someone the good news! Oh, and Hugh is sitting inside the toilet (what? Yes. I'm serious. Who is that child?) so I should go. I just had to post this!

I am more than thrilled.

Goodbye January.

Poor, sad blog.

I'm sorry to be the one to inform you. I'm just the messenger.

As of today, we officially were not approved in January.

We are sticking with the "pre-approval" status that we received . . . uh, three months ago.

Although it would appear that our work got sucked into a giant black whole,

I promise that we did, indeed, finish applying months ago.

Chris keeps reminding me this is the "morning sickness" part of adoption:

You don't actually feel like a child could possibly come of all of this,

you just think you are dying.

Here's to next month??

Cheers.

Moving forward.

Good ol' Utah finally let California know that we are not murders.

Our background checks cleared from Utah!

Now we are just waiting on Hawaii.

Surprise, surprise.

Come on Hawaii. You can do it!

It's funny how great that little bit of information has made me feel. I feel relieved. Happy.We are one step closer. My goodness, there sure are a lot of steps, but each time we get to check something off our list (even if it takes months to do so), I get a little burst of happiness.

I remember the first time we met with Christine. When we told her that we had lived in three different states over the past five years, she tried to hide her grimace. She's obviously the professional in this party, and knew what we would be in for. She let us know that it would probably take "a while" to get back the information from each state, so we could "take our time" on our paper work.

When we completed our paper work 12 days later, she must have realized that we didn't get the picture

I guess when you feel like your heart is on fire, you move. It's hard to compensate the burning desire the spirit brings, while the simple logistics of the matter are unavoidable.

We have felt divinely directed towards adoption. We figured we would just fly through the process, and we wouldn't really have to wait on anything to get approved.

I have been checking my e-mail multiple times a day, and actually expect to see an e-mail announcing our approval. Of course, followed by an e-mail announcing we have been matched.

Each time I check.

We have been completely naive; which has brought an additional source of impatience and disappointment. In some round about way, we felt like since we had followed through with what was expected of us, of course a baby would show up on our door step, dropped off fresh from the stork, after we left the LDSFS office.

Because life is just that easy. Right?

Amateurs.

And here I was thinking that we had checked the box that said:

EASY ROAD.

But I have to live life, just like every body else?

Who'da thunk it.

Learning the lesson of following the spirit, and still having to wait, has been a humbling one. Obedience and Patience. As I sit here and think about how long it's been since we first started this process, it feels far longer than reality. My calendar tells me it's really only been 13 weeks and one day. I think, "that can't be!" and recount. Again.

I feel like I have been holding my breath for far longer than that!

Every night we crawl into bed, and like clock work I always say, "Well, looks like we aren't getting our baby today." and then, without skipping a beat, Chris replies, "Well, the day isn't over yet."

And then we laugh and fall asleep.

We wake up the next day with the same status we have had since we turned in our paper work:

NOT YET.

I am learning to be happy with knowing that I am on the right path, and even though I keep getting the answer, "not yet", that it is still the path for me. I am no less important, and loved no less. So, these little accomplishments, these mundane e-mail conversations, that still tell me, "not yet", give me HOPE.

They let me know that while I feel like I am standing still, we are in fact, on our way.

Find me.

Every once in a while, I feel the strings that pull at my heart.

Yesterday, it was while I was at Target.

My boys were at playgroup and preschool. So, I was all by myself. I took my freedom to roam up and down the isles. Just wandering. I got everything on my list, and then felt free to meander as I pleased.

As I wandered around, I found myself on the same isle as a brand spakin' new baby. I'm talking, straight from the hospital, Mom still waddling, looking like she just got hit by a semi truck, waiting to pick up their prescription, brand new kind of baby.

The Dad was on cloud nine.

I smiled as I passed, with a nod of congratulations. The Dad felt the need to add sentiment, "You have no idea how bad it really is!" as I looked around to see who he was talking to, I realized his non-sensical statement was directed at me.

"What?" was the only thing I could come up with.

"This baby business. It's hard stuff!" As his wife laughed from embarrassment, no doubt, and hit him in the arm, he added "I'm serious! I'm sure you don't have kids, but just you wait."

And I actually laughed out loud from the irony. And then I felt that pounding feeling in my heart. The one that happens to actually speak to my soul.

All I could think of the rest of day was: I'm looking for you baby. I'm trying. I really am.

Rinse. Repeat.

Every week or so, Christine and I have our normal e-mail conversation that goes something like this:

"Hey, it's me again. Have you heard anything new?"

"No. I can't believe it!!"

"Dang."

Rinse. And repeat.

She usually explains to me what she has been up to, trying to figure out what on earth is going on with our MIA background checks, and then I go back to twiddling my thumbs. It's the cool part about "waiting". There's only so much I can do.

Yesterday had some spark! Believe it or not, my finger prints that got scanned last week showed up! That was amazing. I thought it would have taken at least a few more weeks to get back to them. So, that was exciting news. I had smile slapped across my face, until her next e-mail back to me said we have to wait a couple more weeks before we can re-re-re-follow up on the background checks.

Ha! Oh the joy.

DARN YOU, HAWAII AND UTAH. Darn you.

And we will be ready.

Starting off this New Year, with no real sense of direction could be some what unnerving; however, I'm actually quite calm about the whole subject, which is so not typical of me. A month or two ago, I realized that our adoption process is out of my hands. I had all these expections and goals that were just not coming to pass; I realized that I could only do so much, and the rest would have to be orchestrated by the Lord

I had to have that Faith.

and let go of the fear.

Since then, I have been blessed to have that urgency in life, lifted off my shoulders. And I truly count it as one of my precious blessings.

I know that we have children (plural) that will come to our family through adoption. I know it. While I have a great plan on where/when that should happen, I know there is a better plan.

So we continue to do all we can to make sure we are ready and willing for when the Lord is ready to bless us.

And we will be ready.

One more time.

It's been a month since I heard from the DOJ (Department of Justice) about the whereabouts of my sad, lonely missing livescan results. If you remember correctly, Chris and I both submitted three sets AT THE EXACT SAME TIME, but for whatever reason, one of my results dissolved into thin air.

Funny how things happen.

Yesterday, I bit the bullet. Instead of sitting around twiddling my thumbs, waiting to hear back from the DOJ, I went and got my fingerprints rescanned. Creative, I know.

According to the tech, "stuff like this happens all the time," which is unfortunate, since "all institutions and professions with applicants for employment, licensing, or certification have to get a livscan: Security Guards, Teachers, Schools, Realtors, Notaries, CPAs, Stock Brokers, Contractors, Nurses, Doctors, Hospitals, Attorneys, Insurance, Pilots, Pharmacists, Volunteers, Dental Assistants, or Caregivers for children and elderly, including Foster Care and couples hoping to adopt. (I know this information, because that's what the brochure said sitting on her table. I took one as a souvenir.) That seems like it covers a lot of people--- a lot of people who would really like "stuff like that to NOT happen all the time."

She must have sensed my uneasiness about the casualty in her tone of voice. She let me know, "the DOJ and FBI process the fingerprints, and send results back within 48 hours."

I think she forgot my first visit was back in October.

Ha.

Here's to hoping that I'm one of the positive statistics that gets results in a timely manner; not one of the other statistics that happens to get lost all the time.

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PS We are still waiting for our background checks to come back from Utah and Hawaii. Same situation there. Just waiting; Christine is all over it, trying to figure out what exactly is going on.

We are so lucky to have her.