Faint of heart

While going though the approval process, Chris and I had to complete 12 hours of "homework" each. I was able to find a lot of great information and learn a lot, actually.

I may or may not be totally addicted to different blogs or websites I have found, dedicated to adoption.

Ah hem.

The point: Again, and again, I would come across the phrase, "adoption is not for the faint of heart!", which I didn't really understand---we were in the start of an exciting adventure, divinely inspired! What could be so hard about it?

Oy.

Today I am feeling that weight, and let's be honest, we have just barely begun.

Oy.

When we started down this road, we had a goal to be approved by the first of December. As we cruised through our paperwork, and everything was lining up perfectly, it seemed like an extremely doable task! When we completed everything last month, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders: We were not holding our family back; we had done all that we could do! And a huge sigh of relief was taken.

At our home visit (the last of things to do on our checklist) I tried to not fall off my cloud when Christine informed us that our back ground checks had still not come back. Although all the rest of our our information was in, we could not be "approved" until they got the official "go" from Uncle Sam. Ya know, the whole idea that murder is not looked highly upon for potential parents. Ok. Fine. Since the approval committee only meets once a month, we would have to wait until December 1st before we could be approved; hopefully the finger prints would clear by then.

Well, today is December 1st. And our fingerprints are still floating around in space.

I cried.

I know in the grand scheme of things, this will not seem like a big deal. It's only a month. Or two, from the time we submitted our finger prints, to the time we potentially will get approved. Not that big of a deal. But for me? I'm actually really bummed.

The point: This is all just another reminder, that we are not in charge. We are not in charge. We are not in charge.

If I do (and I do) believe that everything to do with our adoption, is going to be divinely inspired, and perfectly orchestrated, then I have to believe that it will be ok. No need to point out the obvious. For the same reason it took two years to get J, I'm sure there is a reason for the delay with getting approved.

AH! So petty, and we haven't really even begun the ball game. Cry me a river. I get it. I know exactly how pathetic I sound. Obviously, it's more of psychological issue.

This whole adoption business is not for the faint of heart.

So I've heard.

So, here's to the holidays, without any sense of direction. As usual.

I'm grumpy. Can you tell?