Friday, April 29, 2011


The National Infertility Awareness Week® challenge
is about breaking the myths that surround infertility
and the ways people build their families.

I have been staring at my computer screen all week.
Trying to make something appear on the screen.


Then, yesterday, I called my sister practically in tears, because my 2 year old doesn't know the alphabet.
True story.

As I started grumbling about this and that, I came to one conclusion: clearly all the problems in the world, were an indication that I was dropping the ball as a mother (say what?? Ya. I went there.)
Then she handed the phone over to the big guns: My mama.

My Mom started to explain all the reasons why I am actually THE BEST MOM THERE EVER WAS (right?? You said that, right mom??) and then her phone died. So there I was, sitting in the car outside Trader Joe's, waiting for husband plus two offspring, to finish their shopping...
I needed some ice cream, ya know?

Once husband buckled the babes into their car seats, he kindly reached over and put his arm around me. At that point, the water gates really let loose. He held me a little tighter, and ever-so-sincerely said, "It's ok. Our boys will learn to read some day!"

Funny, right?

Then I just melted.

Truth be told, it's not about reading. It's not about the fact, that for some reason, both of my boys ALWAYS (I mean always. WHAT GIVES??) skip the number four when they are counting.
It's the fact that I love to put everything on me.

MYTH: My infertility is about me. Personally.
This blog post is for me.

Dear Taylor,

You are a good mom. You love your children.

Heavenly Father knew that you could handle this trial.
He CHOSE you.

It is hard.
You can do hard things.

Sometimes when you feel your blood boil, and you want to scream at the top of your lungs,
It's ok.
Because it's not fair.
Life is not fair.

And that is what makes it all so beautiful!

You are right, it would be far easier to have a body that works.
But yours does not.
And even though you are learning and growing so much because of it,
sometimes the pain feels like it might suffocate you.

But your infertility is not about you.
It is not an attack of your character.
It is not a punishment for something you have done.
It is not because you are incapable of being a great mother to many.

You are not broken on accident.
Heavenly Father did not skip over you because you were undeserving.
You were not forgotten.

Instead, He hand chose you out of the crowd, and precisely changed you to be the person you are. I believe he took you aside, put his arm around you, and with tears streaming down his very own face, knowing it will break your heart, asked if you if could carry this burden.
He promised you would never be alone. And he would bless you!
But, he would need to make you differently.
Not to break you.
But to create miracles for your eyes to see.
Every day.

You were not stripped of the most sacred act of multiplying and replenishing to your hearts content, because you were not worth it to be made whole.

You may feel broken, and forgotten, in your divine right of motherhood.
But you were made from scratch!
Everything you have been given, has been given by God.
"The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Cry until your soul hurts. Because it is hard.
But don't ever feel broken.


According to Wikipedia:
Infertility primarily refers to the biological inability of a person to contribute to conception.Infertility may also refer to the state of a woman who is unable to carry a pregnancyto full term

MYTH: Only families without children, suffer from infertility.



  1. Beautiful. Thank you for this. You are amazing.

  2. Oh, I needed to hear that! Thank you, that was beautifully said.

  3. So you don't know me, a friend sent me a link to your blog... But I wanted to Thank you for your beautiful words! I can't tell you how much I needed them today and how much I needed to be reminded that I am not broken and that heavenly father loves me and knows me! -Thank you!

  4. :)
    from me

    (Because sometimes you want to say something, but you know words won't do justice.)

  5. You don't know me but I Love this it just made me cry because I have suffered with infertility for 14 years so far but have adopted four beautiful miracles through lds family services and I can't imagine my life any other way but that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt everyday but its God's plan for us to be here at this time and in our situations thanks so much for writing this!! You are amazing!

  6. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I feel like this is something I need to remember all the time. Heavenly Father is truly mindful of us... then, now and always.

  7. You don't know me either. I have suffered with infertility for 15 years. We were lucky enough to have one miracle baby who just turned 12...I am grateful for your courage to share what is such a personal and private trial. I LOVE this post. It made me cry, but it is exactly how I feel. Thank you.